Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.

― Doris Day (1922-2019) American actress, singer, and activist

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There have been years when I had little to be grateful for. Yes, I know that ultimately is not true . . . but when everything you have worked and hoped for is taken away, well, honestly, it is hard to be grateful. Your life is turned upside down. You life’s work feels meaningless. Your years of  giving your all—your very being—to a place where your have worked seems wasted. It feels wasted and you wonder if it was wasted. You also wonder if you are worthless since you (and your work) are that easily tossed aside.

Let me back up in the story a little. I have been a church musician for my entire life. I dedicated myself to providing the very best music I could in each church where I served. My husband, also a church musician, served in another church during much of that time. My deepest, greatest desire was to one day be able to worship and work together in the same church. It always felt sad for us not to be able to share this extremely important part of our lives.

In 2004 we were finally able to worship and serve in the same church. I was ecstatic. We discussed and shared ideas and plans for our various areas of ministry all the time. I could hear him play the organ each Sunday. We could have the same set of friends in our church. I gave it my all without holding back. The missing part of my life’s equation was finally together. For ten years we had this and it was wonderful.

The church, although in an affluent area, in 2014 was having money issues. It was a small church and membership had dropped for various reasons. They had money in the bank designated for other purposes, but not for payroll and operating budget. So to save money, they deleted two positions and one was mine. Of course, they needed someone doing those jobs and later hired part time people to do them.

I was heartbroken. The only thing I can compare it to is getting divorced. I have never been divorced, but have seen what it does to people I know―the pain, heartbreak, the wondering if there is something wrong with you. It takes your soul away―your sense of self―and in my case, everything I had wanted was gone.

Friends tell you that it was meant to be. When a door closes, God opens a window or another door. There will be a miracle around the corner. I suppose it would depend on your definition of any of these things in order to call them that. That was not my experience.

Fast forward to 2016. I was still in a state of sadness and hurt. Now, I was working in a church office full time and was music director at an Episcopal church. I loved being the music director, but having to also work full time was physically difficult. I could no longer devote all my love and energy to church music as I had in the past. Deep sadness enveloped me.

In November of 2016 a friend of mine posted an exercise on Facebook about being grateful. You were to write down three things each day you are thankful for. I knew this was a good exercise—to write down things you are thankful for makes them more tangible. Perhaps it would help me focus on the good in my life and not concentrate on what had happened in the past and what was gone.

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It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.

― Germany Kent (b. 1975) American print and broadcast journalist, television personality, actress and author of The Hope Handbook

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Gratitude on Paper

Every morning for 167 days I wrote down three things for which I was thankful. Some days I did not feel like writing anything. Some days I could not think of anything that I had not already written on another day. Still I kept at it. I was hoping this would help heal my broken heart and refocus my mind in order to move forward.

Here are a few of the things I listed.

• Day one: trees, house, Gary (my husband)
• Day two: jobs, flowers, deer in our yard
• Day three: life, health, love (I also made a note that I just found out that a dear friend died suddenly at the age of fifty-six.)
• Day four: music, laughter, friends

I won’t list by day, but here is the complete list of items. Maybe it will help you remember what you are thankful for.

The List

Gratitude Is a Choice

The items are not profound. Most are ordinary―maybe things we mostly take for granted. The exercise succeeded in helping me to think about what all I can be grateful for.

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When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.

― Willie Nelson

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It didn’t change my situation. My hurt was not miraculously healed. It did, however, enable me to see things from a different perspective―to actively look for good. That was a start.

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He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.

― Epictetus (c.50-c.135 AD) Greek Stoic philosopher

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I admit that most of the time I am not wise. My heart held a deep sadness because what I had always wanted was gone. Physical weariness from having to work long hours in two jobs left me with little time to actually discover a new path in my life. Too many times, I was grieving over the past and things that I could not change. 

Doing small exercises such as writing down three things I am grateful for often turns me in the right direction. Being grateful helps me follow the light of thankfulness instead of remain in the darkness of bitterness and anger. Gratitude is a choice―but often is not easy. 

As trite as it may sound―try this exercise. Every morning write down three things for which you are grateful. It may help exchange self-pity for gratitude. A continual gratitude practice sets in motion a long-lasting effect on mood and behavior.

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Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

― Robert Brault, free-lance writer